The Epiphany

I can't believe what just happened. I just had an epiphany that could be one of the most important of my life. I was reading Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller, and I read this sentence: "The human struggle bothered Rick, as if something was broken in the world and we were supposed to hold our palms against the wound."

I think a lot about Jesus and what it is to believe in him. Sometimes I don't think I do because I feel my actions don't reach the height of my beliefs. I mean, I hear stories about missionaries and activists and just about guys who go feed the homeless. Actually, one of the guys I worked with left to move to Floridaand feed hungry kids. I've never done anything on that scale. Sometimes I think I should but I never end up having or making an oppurtunity. So I'm left wondering if my passionate beliefs are all just hot air.

I look around this world and all I see are hurting people. I even see one when I look in a mirror and I'm left with the unsettling feeling that we are all broken. I want to do these things to stop the bleeding. I think that every true Christian wants to do this. Sometimes, however, we miss the message.

Did you ever see the movie "Passion of the Christ," that excessively gory depiction that Mel Gibson did of the execution? Was there ever a moment when you wanted to jump into the screen, pull him off that cross and try and seal his wounds? This is where it is for me. So many times I've heard the story of his crucifixion and every time I wanted it to stop. That's the point though, I think. He went through that for us all. His body was broken so that we wouldn't have to be.

That is where our energy needs to shift focus. How much energy have you wanted to use to stop his torture? What ever it was don't cover it up. Don't stay busy so you don't think of it. This world is broken just like His body was and we should want to "hold our palms against [their] wounds" as much as his.

May we see that healing the world is healing Him. May we see that stopping one soul from bleeding is the same as stopping one hole in his hand. May we focus our passion for Him on all those he died for, letting them know why we are doing it all along the way.

I guess Father's Day works for this one

You ever stopped living just long enough to look around? It took me a long time before I could say yes to that question. I looked ahead dreaming of futures that I would never have but forgot the past and the present. Then came the fateful day when I stopped dreaming and living and just took a moment to breathe. It was one of the worst experiences of my life because in that moment the reality that I was not anywhere close to where I wanted to be hit me in the face like an axe handle wrapped in barbed wire. It sucked. However, I understood that to be all I hoped would take a lot of work and looking back to figure out what went wrong the first time (don't believe the lie that you only have one chance at life).

The understanding I reached has started one of the most intense, emotional, gut-wrenching journeys I've gone through. At the same time it has been one of the most educational and meaningful things that I've ever done. My search has left me longing for something, and I'm beginning to find it in some childhood memories. But before I tell you what I long for, let me tell you a story.

When you're a kid life is simpler and the world is bigger. I look upon my childhood very fondly. One of my most vivid memories happened when I was just 6 or 7. I was watching television with my parents before bedtime as was custom. We were probably watching APT since we didn't have cable. I was fading fast so my parents made me go to bed. About an hour later I started to sleepwalk. I came out of my room into the living room and started screaming for them to "turn everything up!!" Of course I was told this part later, but what I remember best and will never forget is that I woke up in my father's arms. Nothing could touch me there. I knew something had happened but I knew nothing bad could get me there with my head on his shoulder.
This is one of my most intimate memories with my Dad. Strangely enough its also one of the things I need most. I know that I can't go back. I know that now I'm bigger than my dad and can't even fit in his lap. It is not really the act I need but the feeling. Now that I'm older I look for this from my heavenly Father. I need to wake up, dazed, scared, and confused but knowing that I'm in my Father's arms. I need to know and feel that I am being held tight and that nothing will ever happen to me while I'm there.

The thing is that when I look around this world today everyone that I see needs this same feeling. You can see it in there eyes. It's everywhere. Two things about this make me sad. Number one is that at least I have a memory of my dad being like that. A lot of people in the world have never known a father like that if they even knew one at all. They act like since they made it without a human dad they can make it without a heavenly one, or they don't even know what to ask for. The second thing is the people that had a great dad but out of some sort of self righteous humility they won't accept God's offer of love and protection. They are so busy showing the world how God has blessed them that they can't let go of their self sufficiency to let Him hold them.

If I have only one hope it is this. That the world, every single person will be able to one day wake up as I did. I hope that somehow they get thrown into their Father's arms and wake up frightened and confused. But more so, in that moment, I hope they feel his hands drawing them close and they look up into the face of the creator of this universe and see the yet unimagined, lavish love of God. In that moment may they melt, smile, and close their eyes again and rest knowing that whatever has or will happen can't touch them there.

This Blog may not end up being the normal one that you see. This will be a deeply spiritual blog that involves deep thought. It will mostly consist of my badly organized ideas of who and what God is and how that will work in this world. Maybe you'll enjoy it. Updates will begin this weekend. Peace!!!!!!